As a parent, your question might be – how do I better understand my child’s temperament?

Why does my child act, the way he does?

First thing you need to understand as a parent is that traits and characters of children are different, even though they are twins. Some children are “easy – predictable, calm, and approach most new experiences in a positive way while other children are difficult, not able to manage their emotional experiences and expression with ease. When a child’s personality doesn’t quite fit or match that of other family members, they are easily seen as different. This on its own can be a very big challenge to everyone in the family. Yes, we understand, no child is one way all the time, but each has his own usual type of attractions.

A child’s temperament can be seen from many angles and the ease with which a child adjusts to his/her environment is strongly influenced by his innate temperament which is typically expressed through adaptability and the child’s emotional style. To a very large extent, temperament has been established as an innate quality of the child, one with which he is born. It is can somehow be modified in the early years of life by environment, experiences and interactions with other people.

By the time a child has reached the school years, his temperament is quite apparent to those who know him. It is not something that is likely to change much in the future. These innate characteristics have nothing to do with your own parenting skills. Nevertheless, the behavioural adjustment of a school-age child depends a lot upon the interaction between his temperament, yours, and how others respond to him – how comfortably he fits in with his environment and with the people around him.

Your child’s temperament characteristics

By being aware of some of the characteristics of temperament, you can better understand your child, appreciate his uniqueness, and deal with problems of poor “fit” that may lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.

There are at least nine major characteristics that make up a child’s temperament.

1. Activity level: The level of physical activity, motion, restlessness or fidgety behaviour that a child demonstrates in daily activities (and which also may affect sleep).
2. Rhythmicity or regularity: The presence or absence of a regular pattern for basic physical functions such as appetite, sleep and bowel habits. 
3. Response approach and withdrawal: The way a child initially responds to a new stimulus- Passive, bold or slow and hesitant, whether it be people, situations, places, foods, changes in routines or other transitions. 
4. Adaptability: The degree of ease or difficulty with which a child adjusts to change or a new situation, and how well the youngster can modify his reaction. 
5. Intensity: The energy level with which a child responds to a situation, whether positive or negative. 
6. Mood: The mood, positive or negative, or degree of pleasantness or unfriendliness in a child’s words and behaviors. 
7. Attention span: The ability to concentrate or stay with a task, with or without distraction. 
8. Distractibility: The ease with which a child can be distracted from a task by environmental stimuli which could be visual or auditory stimuli in an environment.
9. Sensory threshold: The amount of stimulation required for a child to respond. Some children respond to the slightest stimulation, and others require intense amounts. 

How temperament affects children and their parents

Every child has a different pattern of the nine temperament characteristics. Many, but not all, children tend to fall into one of three broad and somewhat loosely defined categories: easy, slow – warm up or shy, or difficult or challenging. These labels are a useful shorthand, but none offers a complete picture of a child. Many parents find it more useful to think about their child in terms of the nine temperament traits.

The easy child responds to the world around him in an easy manner. His mood is positive, and he is mildly to moderately intense. He adapts easily to new schools and people. When encountering a frustrating situation, he usually does so with relatively little anxiety. His parents probably describe him as a “joy to be around.” About 40 percent of children fall into this category.

Another temperamental profile may reveal a somewhat slow-to-warm-up or shy child who tends to have moods of mild intensity, usually, but not always negative. He adapts slowly to unfamiliar surroundings and people, is hesitant and shy when making new friends, and tends to withdraw when encountering new people and circumstances. Upon confronting a new situation, he is more likely to have problems with anxiety, physical symptoms or separation. Over time, however, he will become more accepting of new people and situations once he becomes more familiar with them.

The difficult or challenging child tends to react to the world negatively and intensely. As an infant he may have been categorized as a fussy baby. As a young child he may have been prone to temper tantrums or was hard to please. He may still occasionally be explosive, stubborn, and intense, and he may adapt poorly to new situations. Some children with difficult temperaments may have trouble adjusting at school, and their teachers may complain of problems in the classroom or on the playground. When children have difficult temperaments, they usually have more behavioural problems and cause more strain on the mother and family.

It is important to distinguish a difficult temperament from other problems. And in all these, we advise you don’t label the child as the family’s black sheep. Recurrent or chronic illnesses, or emotional and physical stresses, can cause behavioural difficulties that are really not a problem with temperament in any way.